3 Things To Try Before You Break Up 0 28

3 Things to Try if You're considering a break up

The alternative to your current relationship is not the opposite of what it is.

And it’s likely not a better version of it either.

The alternative of hot and demanding is rarely hot and lenient. And the alternative of cute, hardworking and stingy isn’t always cute, hardworking and generous.

And if the perfect combo of everything you wanted in a partner did exist, u’d probably still want more.

  • You wanted more after finally getting the car you dreamed of.
  • You wanted more after finally moving into the apartment you dreamed of.
  • And you wanted more after “the perfect moment” came.

We just want more.

So what’s the alternative?

1. Be Content With Who/What You Have

Some days it’s easier said than done, I know. Especially when your partner has no desire for “changing”. But let’s forget that for a second and try this instead. Bear with me ok?

Start a gratitude journal.

Every time you choose to write, pick one thing you love about your partner and expand on it. Why do you like it? Give an example of when it was displayed and how it affected you. Ask your partner to do the same and let each other have a read from time to time.

The more you build your partner up, the more you break their resistance to reciprocity.

Here are 2 entry samples from my early days with Natasha.

2. Make Lemonade With Your Lemons. And Add Mangoes.

It’s in the everyday happenings that the things we dislike about our partners come to the surface.

  • The missed appointment due to tardiness
  • The badly cooked meal
  • The highjacked remote control

Instead of letting those moments make you wonder what-in-the-world you’re still doing with THIS person, turn them over their head.

  • Try a backseat dinner if you miss the restaurant’s closing time
  • Bring salsa to the table if the meal sits funny on your tongue
  • Draw your apology letter instead of writing it

Even the cutest couples are dealt bad cards. But bad cards don’t guarantee failure, no, bad players do. There are scores of women who inspired average Joe’s to break records. Scores of men inspired average Joanna’s to become their best.

Make me envy the way you use your cards. I’m not stopping you and the world probably isn’t.

3. If You Choose To Quit, Don’t Look Back

Sounds counter-intuitive after the first two points, but it’s not. Looking back is a major happiness syphon in relationships. We wonder what could have been and miss the chance to enjoy what is: THIS relationship.

While you look back, time looks forward. Your partner stores up new experiences, good or bad, depending on how you treat them, and eventually you either repeat your past mistakes or build the best relationship you’ve ever had.

I like the sound of that second one better, don’t you?

Now replace the word relationship in this entire post with deal or business partnership, and the same would apply.

Your cards, my friend.

To wonderful relationships,

-Pat.

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Dreamer, doer and recovering average addict. I am the senior editor of greataholic.com and I'm very honoured to know you're reading this. Your attention is humbling.

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Your Next Relationship Is Much Like Pop Music & The Hookup Culture 0 15

Next Relationship - Greataholic

“Today’s music sucks.” Unless you live under a rock, that’s a statement you’ve probably heard a few times.

Here’s another one: “Where have all the good men [works well with women too] gone?”

When you’re in between relationships, 2 things about the above statements tend to ring true.

  • The options on the market suck.
  • Where are all the good ones?

Well, I refuse to let you believe that in an era where we’ve greatly improved almost everything that needed perfection, your next partner found a way to escape.

What if today’s music and the hookup culture’s bad rep was simply a matter of perspective? Could it be that we’ve been looking at these things – your next partner included – from the wrong end?

Abundance Favours Laziness

Thanks to technology, it is easier than ever to create okay music and find an attractive people. Quantity has long ceased being a problem, but quality hasn’t. Why?

Quality requires refinement and refinement requires time.

While social media gets flooded with broken hearts that haven’t taken enough time to heal, music platforms get filled with people who haven’t taken the time learn their basics. With the flooding, we have less time to wait on our partners to improve themselves and less time to appreciate the few good tracks that come up, without being distracted by yet another ‘release’.

Afterall, why not when there’re ‘so many options out there’?

Well, ‘so many options’ is why we miss the blooming of a partner that just needed enough time to improve. ‘So many options’ is why we fail to pay attention to the person next door, instead of entering the worst relationships.

It is why we’ve become lazy with our choices.

It is also the trap mentality you should avoid.

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Copycats Everywhere!

People imitate what works.  And in the era of virals and hashtags, news of what works travel faster. So by the time you blink, a 1000 versions of the artsy mysterious guy, 2000 remixes of [insert song here] and 3000 versions of the entitled B-word would have surrounded you.

Good luck picking THE one.

You see, since news travel so quickly, we often don’t assess the net results of views before copying them. We copy what seems to works, not what actually works. And this reckless imitation for belonging purpose floods society with unoriginal people.

Picking a mate in such an ocean of sameness is a daunting task. It is the reason why many understandably give up, but it must not be so.

The Beauty Of Exceptionality

There’s no joy like finally finding the right barber. The previous ones become a distant memory and the tales of your handsomeness suddenly seem to have always existed.

That’s how it feels when you finally find the one.

The one isn’t the one because she/he was easy to find. Rather, it’s that sea of sameness that makes her/his value stand out. Without those layers of thick soil & intense heat, your diamond would not have formed.

Without resisting the heat of our cultural pressures, your ‘one’ would not have been forged.

After this forging, it’s important that you know what to look for. How do you know that the bit you’re about to pull is the other end of a diamond? How do you know you’re even looking at the right place?

Engineers have specific rules and criteria to answer that. Do you?

Here’s A Map For Your Next Relationship

If our time and resources were inexhaustible, we would have no need for plans and maps. The treasure hunter would need no map, the ship captain wouldn’t need one, and neither would you.

A map will help you save time in the pursuit of a suitable mate.  It will also help you save your resources and hard-earned emotional fluency for the one that deserves it.

Here’s how you can do it.

  • Make a list of 5 things you would love to see in your potential mate (That’s the full structure of your diamond).
  • Now cut 3 items off that list and keep the 2 do-or-die points.
  • Those remaining 2 are what I call the tip of your diamond.

The tip of your diamond is what you will see first. It is what you will hold onto to pull the rest out of the ground.  Literally, it means that you now only have 2 things to look for in the people you might want to pursue.

When you see that person, you will know. It may only take a conversation. Maybe a look. One way or another, once your list is clear, your diamond will stand out.

Will you pay attention?

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On Break-Ups: Forgive And Remember 0 10

Breakup Advice - Greataholic

To the one who just got dumped, forgive and remember:

That every break-up is a stone thrown at you

Some have used it to build, others to stumble and some to harm. With yours, I know you will build something great.

That hurting people hurt people

There may be more reasons to your break-up than you know. Do not replay the words. You know which words.

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That love is your default setting

Hatred is an acquired taste and it can kill a man’s soul. Only lively things give birth to life. So fight for your ability to love if you ever wish to create again. There is something only you were born to create, and there’s no way we could afford to miss that.

That I love you

As well as the many people who seem invisible to you at the moment. You’ve helped us, dropped a coin in our plate, played with us on the same team, given us direction, made us smile in the room where you were born, called us little sister, little brother. We, at least we love you unconditionally.

That the strongest blows are aimed at the strongest fighters

This break-up is an ode to your intrinsic value. It was aimed at you, because life saw it fit to test one of her best. Did you expect a weak blow? How else could she ensure only the best survive? With that knee on the ground you may not realise it yet, but life also just offered you an invitation to something greater than you. Not everyone has fully come back from a break-up. But those who have will tell you one thing: You are about to become the very best version of you. Take it a day at time, believe that it’s possible and you’ll eventually get there.

That things are not always what they seem

It may be a picture of your ex with a new significant other, it may be a social media post about some new found happiness or tales of how awful you were. Whatever you see in this period, remember that hurting people hurt people and that things are not always what they seem. Do not trust your eyes, they cannot read minds.

That success is the best revenge

If you think I’m joking, succeed and see what happens.

Forgive and remember to forget

If need be, God will avenge you. If need be, He will send that partner back to you, improved. If need be, He will usher you to someone you could have only dreamed of. But none of those is possible if you do not let go. Cry your fair share, learn your fair share, then let go… Time is a fleeting commodity and you cannot catch what has passed. There’s a reason this advice keeps coming up:

 

Let It Go.

 

From a friend that cares,

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