Love Me Again, I’ve Changed 0 22

Love me again

I’m a changed woman… please love me again.

…I’m a changed man.

Why do most people who seek a lover’s return present an improved character instead of improved looks? Because even the most well-intentioned lover hates an empty personality.

Every partner starts as a fan of your walk & talk, but soon enough the curtains fall and they see past the actor. They see the real you.

They realise you work different, love different and approach life different from what you let them believe on the stage where you met.

To your defence, I’d say the actor and person are rarely the same, so it’s kinda silly to expect you to remain exactly who they met.

However…

Wouldn’t you want to be a better catch to your partner as the relationship ages? You can. As a matter of fact, you should. Because wether your partner stays or makes the silly decision to leave, weak buildings don’t stand for long.

  • An empty character can’t withstand the pressure of a serious relationship.
  • And the fall gets worse after a breakup.

 

How To Strengthen Your Inner Fortress Before You Step Into Your Next Relationship:

1. Challenge Yourself, Try That Thing

Your partner will not come from your family. Which means you’ll have different views, interests, and those will often make you uncomfortable. To avoid the sting, trying new things. Often.

  • Go vegan for a week.
  • Seek acquaintances from people of different origins.
  • Lead every group you find yourself in.

As your experiences increase, so does your ability to love and tolerate. It’s like pouring a cup of salt in a spoon VS pouring it in an ocean. Wouldn’t it be more tolerable in an ocean? Grow your experiences and your heart will grow.

Challenge yourself before your next relationship does.

 

2. Tame Your Nerves

love me again - greataholic

What gets on your last nerve? Whatever it is, your partner will probably stomp and dance on that nerve better than anyone else. And when you get into that state, do you like your current response to it?

Map it out.

  • What’s the usual trigger?
  • What’s your usual response?
  • What response would you like to have?
  • What do those who have that response do that you don’t?
  • Do it.

 

3. Nerd’ Up

Successful people read, wishful thinkers don’t.  The secret to great love making, great business results, great faith and everything else under the sun is written out there.

If you don’t increase what you know, you risk hitting a frontier where you’d be of little help to the person you love.

Don’t stop learning.

 

Takeaway

At the base of every relationship is the principle of giving and receiving. To increase your ability to give and receive, widen your horizons. How? By improving:

  • The things you know of you,
  • The things you know of the world,
  • The way you do things.

You might want to start before your audience shows up.

 

To lasting relationships,

–Pat.

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Dreamer, doer and recovering average addict. I am the senior editor of greataholic.com and I'm very honoured to know you're reading this. Your attention is humbling.

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How Successful People Reduce Uncertainty 0 33

How To Reduce Uncertainty - Greataholic

The label. The pristine wrapping paper. The fresh scent… And now this killer jacket. My, my, this surprise is making me feel all kinds of ha!

I had just parked home from a tedious –call it “character building”– day when right at my door I saw this brown box. From the looks of it it was an Amazon parcel, but I didn’t remember placing an order. A quick glance at the label and a butterfly parade started in my guts.

It was a surprise from my then girlfriend (manly awww).

Don’t we all love surprises? The “you got the job” email, the “I love you” text or the beloved birthday present? A good surprise will grab your feelings and toss them upstairs, create room for your ugliest laughter (no judgement) and become the highlight of the stories you tell.

Click, password, open email. “Unfortunately, we must reject your application”. Same kind of day, different surprise. Their mistake, my pain, they misread the document I sent them.

Surprises like waves, move, grow and crash giving no care what is around. As much as we like them, sometimes we must manage them. Because uncertainty at the shores of your dreams, your businesses or the lives of the people you love may not always translate into a good time.

How do we minimise the negative effects of uncertainty?

  1. By identifying the areas most vulnerable of being hit.
  2. By identifying how they could be hit.
  3. By determining in what scenario would a wave come, yet not hit them, or hit them less.

It may sound generic, yet it is the same set of questions leaders of all kinds have to ask themselves everyday. To some the answer is erecting sea walls, to others it is different.

What could yours be? What areas of your current projects would suffer most if the next wave of uncertainty wasn’t good?

If you’ve identified them that’s a great start. Now follow through, tend to them. You’re so good at it.

 

– – – – –

Note:

As a Christian I believe that ultimately all things happen for my good and that no weapon forged against me can prosper. But I also know that God has never condoned, encouraged or elevated a lazy man. The Bible says that a wise man prepares for battle in times of peace, and many instances depict how He caused people to prepare for famine in times of plenty. God clearly doesn’t encourage us to slack, and not to be fearful either. Minimising uncertainty –call it planning– therefore doesn’t mean that you are afraid, it means you anticipate. And anticipation is a fruit of wisdom.

Big, Bigger, Worse: How To Find The Source Of A Problem Before It Runs Wild 0 19

How To Find The Source Of A Problem - Greataholic

Today’s challenges will have a different size tomorrow. What you do now, or not, will determine that size.

But how can you hit a target you can’t see? How do you solve a problem with no name? That lack of clarity, and not the lack of will -ahem-, is the reason most issues linger longer than they should.

I for one used to spend till my bottom dime every time I felt bad, without really understanding why. At one point I bought into the popular explanation that emotional spending is done in pursuit of pleasure bursts, but pleasure, I just never found.

I had let others name my problem, and was now trying to hit a target that didn’t exist.

Why did I systematically spend every time I felt anxious? Why?… Why?… Why?… Why?

The 5 Why’s

The 5 Why’s is a technique we owe to Sakichi Toyoda, founder of Toyota, and it is a powerful way of uncovering the root cause of any issue.

In my case, it turned out that it wasn’t the pursuit from pain that caused me to spend, but the pursuit of pain.

Let’s see how.

  1. Why did I spend? To forget about the anxiousness.
  2. Why? Because it was painful and I needed a bigger pain to overshadow it.
  3. Why? Because I felt incapable of dealing with its root.
  4. Why? Because I had tried before and failed.
  5. Why did I fail?…. This last why is where you will find your root cause, which in turn will help you develop a counter-measure

 

They apply to any broken system, be it a blog with dwindling traffic, a mechanism with the wrong output, or heart to heart connection.

You know better than me which parts of your life could benefit most from an inspection today. Will you go ahead an address them?

I’ve grown to believe that you will.

 

– 

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